Why do I blow up/shut down?

People have what we call a window of tolerance, which is basically how much they can tolerate.

I explain it like a number line. The blue numbers are where you are happy to operate in your daily life. The red numbers are where your response is out of your control.

At the lower numbers, people begin to pull back emotionally. This can be what we call hypoarousal. Think of this like a shutting down of your mind and body. It is linked to the still trauma responses (e.g., freeze and flop).

At the higher numbers, people begin to have a lot more emotional and physical energy. This can be called hyperarousal. The link here is fight or flight.

Hypo = too low, like hypothermia, too cold

Hyper = too high, like hyperactive, too active

Arousal = Refers to your body's state.

The experiences we go through can alter our frames of reference. This can happen for instance after a trauma. This is where things like triggers come in. Things that remind us of our trauma cause us to leave our window of tolerance sooner than otherwise.

However, there is change that can happen. With self-work you can increase your window of tolerance and even begin to change some of your responses to being knocked out of your window of tolerance.

At the outer ends of your window, it can be really hard to bring yourself back into alignment. That's why a lot of the work that is done to help improve windows of tolerance works in slowing down how far you can go in a short period. E.g., stopping you from getting to a 3, by emotionally regulating before you tip over into a 2.

This is a very simple outlining of a person's response to uncontained emotional experience so don't worry if it doesn't perfectly align with your experience. You're the expert in what you are experiencing.